"...and I'm being told this is still a thing, like 1898 or people sending their turns. Ah, hell, I'll do this real quick. I don't even know anymore."
Rin "The Shaolin Shadowboxer" Kou vs. "The Right Honourable Lord Smackdown" Huojin
New York Stock Exchange Board Room, New York, New York
It's a battle of high rollers worthy of a presidential election, but the blood on the floors of the NYSE only allow one man to rise: Huojin's more busted than Rin's boy Shameek from 212.
Yeah, motherfucka's deported like he's OYID's grandma,
American wins, go home Huo, call it Ruled Britannia.
Goofy "That Time Again" McCoy vs. "El Chupacabra qon Cheddar" OYID
Border Crossing, El Paso, Texas
And continuing the grand tradition of American brutality, Goofy channels his inner Donald Trump and stops OYID like a wall. Who can stop the Tempest from the Northwest?
Not our Mexican compadre, apparently, who's as gone from this fight as he is this board.
BG "The Vulgar Bulgar" Knight vs. "Braveheart Redux" Coinneach
A Smoke-filled Room, Little Russia, London
Coinneach's got the skill, and he's ill-a than our Brown Bulgarian will ever be, but finally free from the grasp of his tyrannical girlfriend, the only Big Trouble in Little Russia we'll be seeing is Coinneach's continued inability to send his turns. Because his arm's broken.
Gesar "Does" Dallas vs. "Taking out a life insurance policy on all you fuckers" Orago
Allegheny Mountain Tunnel, Pennsylvania Turnpike, Pennsylvania
Fuck everybody who thinks I couldn't fight a furry. Christ. I win this one. Assholes."And so we enter the semifinals of the Molotov Fight Club. Who will stand as the baddest dude on a board of nerds? Stay tuned!"
Bracket: Gone. Fuck you, Huojin.
Current Round: Semifinals
Rin "The Shaolin Shadowboxer" Kou vs. Goofy "That Time Again" McCoy in: Last Tango in Portland
Somewhere pretentious fucking West Coast coffee shop that plays Ben Folds albums on repeat or something
I want to give this one to Rin. I really do. But somehow I think that poise he has will shatter against a real contender. Goofy brings that fire like it's a Bear Bottle mixtape.Edge: Goofy
Gesar "Does" Dallas vs. BG "The Vulgar Bulgar" Knight in: Svoboda Ili Splat
The Serb-Free Hills of Macedonia
Fighting BG would be tough. I think he's probably more in shape than me. But like, I dunno, pretty sure I'm crazier. What do you want me to say. Somebody's gotta be the inspirational underdog here.
Saenwyn: A Song of Ashes:
StorytellerLouisiana 1792: Fils de la Révolution: Monsieur le Commissaire de l'Intérieur
Thomas Francois Jérôme Cossard, Mayor of Saint-Louis and editor of L'Ami de la RépubliqueLiberty in Dark Waters:
Leopold Karl von Stenhielm, Baron af Rödesund, Knight and Commander of the Orders of His Majesty the King, convicted traitor
Balance of Power 1968: Mwalimu
Julius Nyerere, President and Baba wa Taifa
of the United Republic of Tanzania
Smyg wrote:The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of Gesar coping with being a total fucking a-grade revolutionary thinker