Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Huojin » 11:08:06 Wednesday, 31 July, 2013

Rin "The Shaolin Shadowboxer" Kou vs. "The European Chinaman" Tellos
... No pretences here, RinRin channels his ancestors and brings the divine wind, even if he has to take a beating to secure the ultimate victory.

Edge: The Quinoa Kid
"The Right Honourable Lord Smackdown" Huojin vs. C "Saskatchewan's Only 'Heterosexual' Baker" Westfall
Can't vote here, but yeah, I do practice martial arts... And used to play rugby... And so on... cough
"The Slammin' Salmon" Snacks vs. Goofy "That Time Again" McCoy
Due to my recent defeat at the King of GIFs, my honour will not permit me to choose another victor than he. Though it's totally close, and Snacks puts up a fight, Goofy is like Batman, attacking from behind a cloak of mystery.

Edge: No, Goofy, No!
"El Chupacabra qon Cheddar" OYID vs. Rising "Peron Ain't Dead" Phoenix
This is a tricky one. On the one hand, OYID couldn't possibly sound more Mexican. But on the other, RP's crazed ideas and dreams are indicative of some dark powers at work. I think for purely arbitrary reasons, I'll have to lump for OYID.

Edge: Viva Zapata
BG "The Vulgar Bulgar" Knight vs. "The" Scorpion
BgKnight could throw food at Scorpion, since he's always eating, but Goofster has the right of it, Scorp's games are totally about him dominating :P

Edge: Paintball to the... Eyes
"Admiral Up-In-Yo-Bitch" Serenissima vs. "Braveheart Redux" Coinneach
I really have no clue, since information on Seren is sparse, but Coinneach lives in the most inhospitable, backwards-arse, dilapidated, desolate, decrepit, underdeveloped, medieval, cannibalistic, rocky, ruinous, awful places in the world: Scotland. So that's gotta be major plus points for the plucky blue-faced, kilt-wearin', claymore-wieldin' Scot.

Edge: FREEEEDOOOOOOM
Smyg"The Nordic Nihilist" Kommunisten vs. Gesar "Does" Dallas
It's pretty even, but I can't help but feel that Smyg's total insanity would benefit him more than Gesar's level-headedness. Unless Gesar's on drugs, in which case we can count on him to eat Smyg's face.

Edge: Bath Salts
"Taking out a life insurance policy on all you fuckers" Orago vs. "School Fucker/Shit Burner" The Red Comet
Pretty much the same story here. It's the Joker vs Batman. Sorta. Except Orago totally shivs TRC with a shank and shanks him with a shiv.

Edge: Cashing in that policy



(Oh, and Rin, you missed OYID vs RP.)

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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by BgKnight » 17:23:30 Wednesday, 31 July, 2013

Oh man! Its so on, motherfucks'
Gesar wrote: Rin "The Shaolin Shadowboxer" Kou vs. "The European Chinaman" Tellos
Man, Tellos was in the navy and shit, like, he was also quite a long time there. On the other hand, RinKou was in collage and shit. But that is about it what I know about Tellos, and Rin made a pretty convincing case. Edge: Yellow Peril

Gesar wrote: "The Right Honourable Lord Smackdown" Huojin vs. C "Saskatchewan's Only 'Heterosexual' Baker" Westfall
Hmm, CWest is too damn smart to be the fighty kind, but I have seen how Huo looks like, even if he had a bloody black belt he is so fucking scrawny so it kind of makes me doubt his abilities. But yet again, CWest is a nerd. Edge: That Damned Tamil
Gesar wrote:"The Slammin' Salmon" Snacks vs. Goofy "That Time Again" McCoy
Man, I like the goofster, but despite him being mysterious and a gif master, we are still discussing people in a fight here and I am more then certain Snacks will be one hell of a beast to take down. Edge: AVE SNACKSAR
Gesar wrote:"El Chupacabra qon Cheddar" OYID vs. Rising "Peron Ain't Dead" Phoenix
I have seen OYID, while I haven't been able to gaze on RP. But, the crazy mexican has a few things going for him, he might be short, but he is strongly build and while he strikes me as slower then RP it also looks like that if he could land a single strike it will all be over. As far as I know, RP is younger as well, so even if he is faster, his punches won't have the same weight as the Mexican. Edge: haha estoy usando el internet
Gesar wrote:BG "The Vulgar Bulgar" Knight vs. "The" Scorpion
Ah, a worthy adversary. Now, as it is honorable I will start with describing what Scorp has more then me. He is higher, which is natural, and even though I have taken down people who are taller then me (basically almost anyone I have fought is taller them me, such is the life of a short person) I will have a hard time with Scorp's size. He also has better reach, I need to get up close in order to punch him, he can strike from a bigger distance.

But, I am not new to this (doubt Scorp is as well), up to when I was 16-17, I was constantly in a fight, if I was not at home I was out somewhere, fighting with someone or just generally doing stupid shit (not proud of it). I have taken a hell of a beating (even got stabbed once) so even while he is able to land a few punches with ease while I close down on him in order to punch him, I can take it. He may have the reach, but I have speed on my side, because if you are short as me, you have to learn how to use it to your advantage.

I have a fiery temper though (that is why I get into fights all the time) and I won't stop hitting 'till I pass out, that can potentially be a problem because Scorp has always stricken me with his calm demeanor and can judge the situation better, while I erupt in a volcano of vulgarities and punches. As for the paintball, I used to go airsofting before (kind of like paintball, but more realistic ((even if Scorp would argue otherwise))) which kind of makes us equal in that regard.

But I have respect for Scorp, he will absolutely be a hard one to take down.
Gesar wrote:"Admiral Up-In-Yo-Bitch" Serenissima vs. "Braveheart Redux" Coinneach
Now, while I don't know Seren's demeanor, his way of acting has always striken me as way more buff, at least not the way a scrawny guy would act. But I know Coinneach, I know his body type and damn do I know how his Scottish mind thinks. The man has certainly gotten into some fights and knows how to hold his own. Edge: the Scottish bastard
Gesar wrote:Smyg"The Nordic Nihilist" Kommunisten vs. Gesar "Does" Dallas
Man, its a hard one. Smyg is tall and scrawny, but he has been in fights, brawls and riots, he knows how to be quick and avoid punches (batons) and damn is he hard to get. Also, he can take a shitton of alcohol and has some bitching tattoos, hopefully that means he can hold some pain.

Man, I love Gesar and he has a tougher body then smyg, he is also calmer then the crazy Norseman. He however, is also a suburban kid, while I don't know enough about the states, it kind of strikes me as not the best place to grow up learning how to fight. But then again, Gesar also has a bigger reach and imagine his punches hurt a lot more then Smyg's.

So it could go ether way.
Gesar wrote:"Taking out a life insurance policy on all you fuckers" Orago vs. "School Fucker/Shit Burner" The Red Comet
While at first when you look at it TRC has a clear edge, he is taller, I think he used to do hockey and shit and he does more physical labor. But when you think about, Orago has seen and done some shit, not to mention that the TRC had a leg problem if I am not mistaken, so the thing would be a massive problem when fighting with the likes of Orago. Edge: Y'all probably need that life insurance


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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by CWestfall » 18:24:03 Wednesday, 31 July, 2013

Gesar wrote:Rin "The Shaolin Shadowboxer" Kou vs. "The European Chinaman" Tellos
Los Angeles is basically the Detroit of the West. RinKou.
Gesar wrote:"The Right Honourable Lord Smackdown" Huojin vs. C "Saskatchewan's Only Heterosexual Baker" Westfall
He'll have to find me first. Image
Gesar wrote:"The Slammin' Salmon" Snacks vs. Goofy "That Time Again" McCoy
I dunno, on the one hand, "Don't Mess With Texas" is a saying for a reason and I'm pretty sure Snacks can hold his own in a fight. On the other hand, Goofy once killed his brother with his bare damn hands. I'm going to abstain on this one.
Gesar wrote:"El Chupacabra qon Cheddar" OYID vs. Rising "Peron Ain't Dead" Phoenix
As we saw with Cheddar-Gate 2013, OYID is capable of unleashing righteous fury, but despite claiming to speak Spanish, RP is the only one who can translate "pineapple" correctly. Advantage, RP.
Gesar wrote:BG "The Vulgar Bulgar" Knight vs. "The" Scorpion
Much has been made of Scorpion's paintball ability, but Bg is from the Balkans and is thus probably no stranger to dodging Serb bullets. I'd call it a tie, but only because the fight would turn into a three and a half year long war of attrition.
Gesar wrote:"Admiral Up-In-Yo-Bitch" Serenissima vs. "Braveheart Redux" Coinneach
Given sufficient time for planning, Serenissima could probably build a fully crewed Galleon in Gesar's back yard, but even if Coinneach was busy with history papers and throwing tree trunks I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be enough. Going with Coinneach.
Gesar wrote:Smyg"The Nordic Nihilist" Kommunisten vs. Gesar "Does" Dallas
Smyg may be an anarchist, but he has never lived in Little Somalia, MN. Definitely Gesar <3.
Gesar wrote:"Taking out a life insurance policy on all you fuckers" Orago vs. "School Fucker/Shit Burner" The Red Comet
I'll be the first to admit I don't know much about either of these people in real life, except that Orago wants to move to Canada and TRC really likes physics. Scholarly infighting outweighs patriotism on this one, so imma go with TRC.
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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by OYID » 19:20:48 Wednesday, 31 July, 2013

AIGHT LET'S DO THIS
Rin "The Shaolin Shadowboxer" Kou vs. "The European Chinaman" Tellos
Y'all oversestimating the value of a martial arts "background" vs life in the Navy. I'm giving this to Tellos because sailors are tough.
"The Right Honourable Lord Smackdown" Huojin vs. C "Saskatchewan's Only 'Heterosexual' Baker" Westfall
Oh wow. Sorry, CWest, you're a good guy and all, but that's not what we want in a fighter. Huojin is fueled by the angst of cultural ambiguity, tempered by the power of meditation, and roughened (?) in the field of Rugby. Plus, he probably knows how to hide all evidence of his involvement in this clandestine fight club of ours.
"The Slammin' Salmon" Snacks vs. Goofy "That Time Again" McCoy
Today I learned Goofy is a trucker. Today I learned he's gonna win this bracket. Point Goofy.
"El Chupacabra qon Cheddar" OYID vs. Rising "Peron Ain't Dead" Phoenix
OYID stands up at the press conference.
"I've got a message for Gaucho boy..."
OYID mugs at the camera.
"Buenos Aires is NOT the cultural capital of Latin America, it's a sorry distant second to the real deal, my city: MEXICO CITY. AND IF HE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, HE CAN BRING IT UP AT THE RING. ALSO YOUR ACCENT IS WEIRD"
OYID throws the mic and storms off stage.


OYID timidly tiptoes back on stage.
BG "The Vulgar Bulgar" Knight vs. "The" Scorpion
Scorp's a fine lad, but Bg is a better story. He got stabbed by a comrade and that made him reevaluate his entire life. Now he's now a jet-setting ad man going out with a girl he likes, but despite one that still itches for the unruly life he left behind and is drawn back to the ring. If I was a promoter, I know which contender puts asses on seats. My vote is BGKNIGHT.
"Admiral Up-In-Yo-Bitch" Serenissima vs. "Braveheart Redux" Coinneach
Feels tired by now to say the Scotsman's got the edge, but that's only because it's very very true. However, I'm hoping the mild-mannered academic Seren awakens the fire within and pulls an upset. I know it's a longshot, but just imagine the payoff on that bet if it happens. I vote Seren.
Smyg"The Nordic Nihilist" Kommunisten vs. Gesar "Does" Dallas
Here's how it plays out in my mind: Gesar assumes a defensive stance, hoping to prompt Smyg into doing the same. In his head, he's got it all laid out: he's going to work on the Norseman's nerves with some feints and some swaying, probably some wounding trash talk too, hoping to goad him into doing something very telegraphed and stupid he can then counter. This might work alright on a normal man, but Smyg's no normal. He's gonna rush the G as soon as the battle starts, and get to work throwing savage viking kicks and punches in quick succession. I intended to give the victory to Smyg over this, but then the rest of you brought their respective size into the equation, and that's when I realized that a tall scrawny guy would have to throw long punches at a distance, giving Gesar ample opportunity to hunker down and block them, where he can either rush Smyg from below and work his body or grab an arm or a leg and bring him down. If either thing happens then it's game over. This might play out differently if Smyg could keep his distance and wear the Ges down, but so far I've seen no indication that he's had training on any formal fighting style, so I'm assuming it's a down and dirty brawl. So yeah, despite my first thoughts to the contrary Gesar wins.

"Taking out a life insurance policy on all you fuckers" Orago vs. "School Fucker/Shit Burner" The Red Comet

Even with his leg condition, I wouldn't mess with The Red Comet. In fact, this confidence in his advantage might make Orago cocky at first, opening him up for a beating, but even then the fact of the matter is that right now TRC can't hope to win. Were things different it might be more evenly matched, but as it stands the result can only be one: Victory for Orago.
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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by RinKou » 19:53:06 Wednesday, 31 July, 2013

Huojin wrote: (Oh, and Rin, you missed OYID vs RP.)
I didn't miss it, I was saving it for last :wagglewaggle:

But, since we're on the topic, I can't say I know enough about RP to make an informed decision, but OYID is like the Mexican Smyg. I'm sure he's taken and given his fair share of anarchist lumps.

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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by scorpion » 23:25:21 Wednesday, 31 July, 2013

Rinkou vs. Tellos

Martial arts in Rin's corner give him a good edge in my opinion. Like others have said, not many of us know much about Tellos. Even if he is in the Navy, time spent emphasizing hand to hand combat would likely be minimal. Although i'm sure as a sailor,Tellos could take a few hits. Edge-Rin


Huojin vs. CWestfall

I've never seen a pic of CW (I'm actually surprised we don't have a pic thread). Even so Huo with his martial arts background and Tamil ancestors I'd say would give him an edge, Even if he is a smaller guy. Edge-Huo

Snacks vs. Goofy McCoy
Snacks may have size but I do not know enough about goofy to make a decision on this one, so I'm going to null vote it.

OYID vs. Rising Phoenix
Even with OYID's bandito heritage I feel RP might be the better choice to back in hand to hand fight. When he has a goal, he gets it done, and doesn't lose focus. It may end up being a close fight between the two but in the end i'm giving this to RP. Edge RP

BGKnight vs. Scorpion
Shit, I got paired up with this crazy guy? :p. I may have paintball on my side, but I'm going to be depending on my size and power in this fight. Even being in good shape and having reach, 178lbs is a lot to move quickly. Bgknight would have experience with this as he's taken on taller guys. I did play football,and had a few fights when I was younger but I think Bgknights experience beats out my own. This would likely be a really close fight as I'm sure both of us could take what the other guy dishes out. Even though my vote doesn't count on this, I'd see it as a draw. You guys picked a hell of a match for me haha.

Serenissima vs. Coinneach
Seren is'nt a scrawny guy, he has size to him. He is more of a brain then a fighter though being a historian and what not. Coinneach being a scotsman and no stranger to the sight of blood most likely, i have to give it to coin Edge: Coinneach

Smyg vs. Gesar
Smyg is a Viking, nuff said. He channels his ancestors with involvement in pillaging riots, and Scandinavias fine women and booze. Gesar having a bigger reach and that'll help but I think in the long run Smygs insanity/temper wins out. You never fight the guy who is out of his mind. Edge:Smyg


TRC VS Orago
Both of them are great guys. However I feel TRC's Hockey expirence will help greatly in this fight so I'm giving him the edge. Edge-TRC
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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Langben » 00:31:49 Thursday, 01 August, 2013

I guess I've got to do a short bio like BGKnight and Rinkou, since nobody knows what I even do besides post stupid pictures.

Backround:
* Enough Taekwondo years back to know that it isn't even the Dane Cook of martial arts. Builds great legs (and the kind of butt ladies like) though.
* Yacht racing isn't exactly the kind of high seas sailing Seren does, but that is my Uncle's boat (Short fat bastard in red up front, crazy and has a lisp due to cleft palate, totally a pirate in a previous life.) and I do go and get wet a few months out of the year. Also, sea legs.
* As mentioned elsewhere, I'm in warehousing and delivery driving, moving refrigerators and doing custom kitchen deliveries.
* I don't riot much, and the last fight I got into was back in school with some short shit I grabbed by the backpack/collar and Mario 64'd, so I guess you could knock me for experience.

Anybody still on the fence can ask a question or something. Maybe pics later if BGKnight and Scorpion keep making me jealous with how awesome they are.

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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Gesar » 02:46:55 Thursday, 01 August, 2013

How would you fight Snacks?
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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Langben » 03:13:51 Thursday, 01 August, 2013

Gesar wrote:How would you fight Snacks?
Thought that was up to you? :snark:

He's in my weight division at least, so I'd work him at range, see if I've still got some snap in my kicks. This being no-holds barred street fighting, I bruise up his legs until he can't move so well, then work inside to finish.

Worst case scenario, I'd go head to head trading blows and maybe try a bit of ground game. It could go either way from there, but it's not like I'd be at a disadvantage.

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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by RinKou » 03:14:13 Thursday, 01 August, 2013

Gesar wrote:How would you fight Snacks?
If there was one question that should be asked at every debate, at every interview, this should be that one question.
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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Langben » 03:36:37 Thursday, 01 August, 2013

RinKou wrote:
Gesar wrote:How would you fight Snacks?
If there was one question that should be asked at every debate, at every interview, this should be that one question.
Agreed. This is how we should determine presidents, because no way Snacks let's some chucklefuck like Rick Perry get by him.

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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Snacks » 08:53:01 Thursday, 01 August, 2013

Rin v Tellos

Now, Tellos claims to be a veteran, but Rin is the chink I know and not the European Chinaman I don't. WE RIDE TOGETHER WE DIE TOGETHER WE TRUE HOMIES.

Advantage: RinKou

Huo v Labine

Now, Huojin may have his fancy bougie lawschool education, and his bougie super-bougie martial arts, but who braves the at times sweltering and at others freeing temperatures of the Canadian Plains? Who has the grace and agility to pluck baked goods from a sweltering oven without them going all flat and ruined and without burning himself like a bitch? Who spends all his time not spent studying or doing those other things I just mentioned talking about women and lifting weights while working on cars? I don't think I have to spell it out.

Advantage: Labine

Snacks v Goofy

Goofy is a worthy and honorable opponent. Nonetheless, I am most displeased with the doubt expressed by many of our fellows. The doubters should hope that they are not eliminated, because there are kneecappings waiting for them.

Bg v Scorpion

Now, I'm pretty sure Bg and Scorp are both pretty fit and capable dudes, but Bg has to be vigilant and ready to fend off attacks from Foot Clan assassins his former comrades.

Advantage: BgKnight

Seren v Coin

I am torn. Potato Irishman fighting Scotsman, will we never realize the true enemy is Huojin?

Draw

Smyg v Gesar

A fight for the ages, and we're only in the first bracket. Our own Swedish Indiana Jones versus the Working-Class Hero. It's anyone's guess.

Draw

Orago v TRC

They seem pretty evenly matched, but Orago really needs this prize money, I hear.

Advantage: Orago

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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Serenissima » 14:50:23 Friday, 02 August, 2013

I'm aware nobody's changing their vote, and I am recent enough - as well as aware enough of the dizzying martial powers of Scotsmen - to not even mind. But I do think you're all underestimating by lack of information. I am at least a little prepared.

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Also, Snacks... my girlfriend is Irish, not me. :P
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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Rising Phoenix » 01:14:02 Saturday, 03 August, 2013

Rin "The Shaolin Shadowboxer" Kou vs. "The European Chinaman" Tellos
RinKou indeed strikes me as knowing martial arts, while I know nothing about Tellos. Knowing this, at least nominally I must support RinKou.
"The Right Honourable Lord Smackdown" Huojin vs. C "Saskatchewan's Only 'Heterosexual' Baker" Westfall
Huojin is a burgueois. Actually, worse than a burgueois. He is a monarchist. This automatically lowers all his stats by -5 and he incurrs a coolness penalty of -100. Nevertheless, something must be said avoid him: He is a (relatively) active GM, which brings up his coolness somewhat. Thus I vote for Huojin... Why? 'Cause I want to be the one who kicks your royalist butt back to Britain!
"The Slammin' Salmon" Snacks vs. Goofy "That Time Again" McCoy
I do not know much about Snacks but I gather that he is an experienced long-time user, and has been a responsible staff member but Goofy... He just has more coolness points. I imagine he probably has some means of harnessing Internet Gifis and blast his opponent to oblivion with them. Cause of victory: Opponent exposed to too much awesomeness. Or Internet Madnesss. Either way... Goofy.
"El Chupacabra qon Cheddar" OYID vs. Rising "Peron Ain't Dead" Phoenix
"So we meet at last, Mexican!" I say as the audience steels in place, expecting the inevitable fight to begin. "Oh Yes you did? Oh yes you did what? Defeat a bunch of spambots? Beat-to-death an used sock? Maybe even you had the audacity to lift sphagetti with your fingers?! Ha!" I look to the audience, perhaps a little of the situation getting to my head. But I shake it off; the awesomeness has yet to begin.

"Not only in this battle will you realize that Buenos Aires is the most awesome city of Latin America, you will submit to the gloriousness of our multicultural heritage and feel it's overpowering greatness!

And if you live to tell the tale, you will tell your grandchildren: 'Oh yes I did... Get beaten by a freakin' firebird!'"
And with the chit-chat done, I get ready to fight.
BG "The Vulgar Bulgar" Knight vs. "The" Scorpion
This one is actually difficult. BG has the powress of the Bulgar people, while Scorpion has the knowledge of historic eras (thus he is able to cancel BG's national power). This one would be a close-quarters battle, centimeter-by-centimer being taken into account to see who can gain an advantage. However, the most probable possibility is... Mutually Assured Destruction. Draw.
"Admiral Up-In-Yo-Bitch" Serenissima vs. "Braveheart Redux" Coinneach
Serenessima is an active user, and Coinneach is a nice guy. But otherwise I am in the darkness as to their specific advantages/disadvantages. Tie?
Smyg"The Nordic Nihilist" Kommunisten vs. Gesar "Does" Dallas
Let me see... Smyg can summon his Viking heritage and summon Vikings from Valhala, but Gesar can call upon Glorious Undead Leader Mao and the Undead People's Army. Thus the fight would be reduced to two things: How many undead Smyg and his Vikings can take before exhaustion, and how versed Gesar is in the Left-wing Necromantic practices. If you are thinking what I am thinking, then this is one of those "until armaggedon comes!" battles. So... Tie!
"Taking out a life insurance policy on all you fuckers" Orago vs. "School Fucker/Shit Burner" The Red Comet
I find both of them to be good guys, but for some reason I am inclined to say that TRC can rock things out when he desires. So... TRC!

Edit: Fixed format and corrected a typo.

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Re: Who Would Win a Fight: Molotov Edition

Post by Gesar » 01:39:08 Saturday, 03 August, 2013

Voting is closed for this round, I'll update accordingly.
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