"Owl descends on vole!" Agent Tsaeb yelled, landing a vicious triple-roundhouse to Wu's sternum.
"Very good!" Wu yelled - and kicked - back. "Eagle claw crushes fish!"
Tsaeb flew against the other side of the rocket. "Clever!"
The rocket began to rumble. And then they were airborne.
"This is the end!" Wu shouted, as the bay doors began to open, ready to deliver the satellite, and Wu backed up, ready to deliver more kung fu. "Sun abdicates in favor of moon!"
"All endings," Tsaeb parried. "Are but new beginnings."
He sidestepped Wu's blows, dancing around the satellite, as the earth below grew fainter and fainter. Also, at some point during this fight, I should mention, they both donned space suits. Because they were now fighting in space.
"Screaming eagle devours sparrow!" Wu yelled, trying to compensate for the rocket's pitch. "Falling boulder crushes mule!"
But none of his blows would connect. Agent Tsaeb had become one with the rocket - and he could see what he had always known. The only way to defeat chaos was to embrace it, to flow into it, to direct it against itself.
"Sun god's fury scorches plains! Chastised child learns his math! Lucky numbers beget naught but misfortune!" Wu yelled, as Tsaeb backed away from blow after blow, being pushed closer and closer to the satellite.
"Shining star," Tsaeb noted, as the moorings holding the satellite in place came loose. "Directs righteous fist."
And with that, he turned on the satellite's laser, the heat of the ray incinerating Wu as the rocket stages below him fell back to earth.
Tearing the laser off the satellite, Agent Tsaeb assumed a lotus pose, waiting for the neutered satellite to settle into orbit - whenceupon it would meet again his righteous fist.
12:06, CHAOS Control Tower - 6 minutes after Moonbeam launch
It wasn't even a fight. Every blow that wasn't blocked, parried, or sidestepped - and that was all of them, had no effect on Huojin. He didn't react to strikes to pressure points, he didn't react to crotch-shots, the man was unstoppable. Cornered, pinned, and with his massive meaty hands around her throat, agent Smyg knew this was how she would die.
And it wasn't all that bad. The satellite was launched. Russia would be burning. Koller would still be dead. There would have been nothing to live for had she survived anyhow - at the least, now, she could die a martyr of the revolution, giving her all to stop the corporate imperialist advance. Death, she found, was warm. As warm as a Hong Kong beachfront on a summer's day. As warm as Los Angeles, right before dusk. As warm as...actually, as warm as a man built like two brick shithouses being torched by a space-laser.
"Ahhhh! No!" Huojin screamed, flames licking at his face. "Not the beams! Anything but the beams! It's in my mouth!"
For effect, he jumped out the window.
And behind where his flaming husk once stood, was Koller, tapping the control tower's coordinates into the satellite control terminal.
"Some," he mused, wiping a trickle of blood from his mouth. "Do not like it hot."
"I hope you do."
Written and Directed by RinKou
Based on the game by Sonny
Cast (in order of appearance)
Smyg as ..... Seductive KGB Agent
Tsaeb as ..... Martial Arts Expert MSS Agent
Huojin as ..... Unstoppable CIA CHAOS Agent
Coinneach as ..... Dashing MI6 Agent
zenburg as ..... Efficient BND Agent
OYID as ..... Tricky Stasi Agent
Covert Action: Moonbeam was filmed on location in gorgeous Santa Barbara.
UN Inspector #2: "What?"
UN Inspector #1: "Mr. President!"
President of the UN: "What is it?"
UN Inspector #1: "The last CHAOS agent was killed by the satellite's laser, right?"
President of the UN: "That's what the report says, yes."
UN Inspector #1: "But...the status report on the satellite here says that the laser...has been physically removed. It was torn off before the blast that killed Agent Huojin occurred."
UN Inspector #2: "But that's impossible!"
UN Inspector #1: "And looking at these files here, the satellite's blueprints had been stolen! That means, my God! Somebody could be building a new one right now, as we speak!
*UN Inspector #2 draws a silenced pistol and dispatches the first inspector.*
The President of the UN nods his approval, then removes his mask, revealing...that he was Victor Cain all along!
Victor Cain: "They can destroy my satellite. They can rebuild my satellite. They can have my satellite. Project Moonbeam, Project Moonbeam was just a cover project. The real project..."
*Victor Cain draws back the curtains, revealing the torched, half-reconstructed skeleton of a man, floating in a green vat.*
Victor Cain: "The real project was Project Huojin."